I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I AM VODKA MAN
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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