so explain again why im purple
no
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
