I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
