so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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