She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
