I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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