Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
