He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
