Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
