So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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