i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize