We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
