i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
