Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
