you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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