don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
