you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
