..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
