whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
