i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
