Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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