is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
