Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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