Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
