just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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