How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
