please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
