He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize