You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
