i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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