a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
