Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you never un-have a 4some
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
