dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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