Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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