At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
