I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
