you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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