I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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