THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
