please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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