using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
