Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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