Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
