either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
