im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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