I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
