I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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