Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Still dying that you shit outside
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
