No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize