I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
