I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
