If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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