Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
