i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
