Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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