I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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