Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
