why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
