brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
