Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
