The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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