does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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