Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
