i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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