Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize