do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
