does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He shit in the fireplace
The ass gains better be worth it
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