just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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