Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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