Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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