we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
