I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
