What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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