i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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