And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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