My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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