we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
