Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
