soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
