plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
