I think I died a long time ago.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
