come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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