There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
