She said her name was "party"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
